Sunday, October 18, 2009

Finance - Buget

I felt the shift a day before they called. However slight, I knew change was coming. So when offered the job, I took it but I need more money. Sticking the last check into the electric bill envelope, I licked the glue sealing it shut. Glancing at the checkbook balance, I repeated my statement this time aloud. I need more money. How much less could we go without? OK I could cancel cable but John watches TV all the time; he is totally hooked on it. The mind numbing rays sucked dry my ambition, left us lumps, immovable forms every evening until bedtime. That would free up about fifty dollars to stop cable but then the Internet was part of that; a combo deal with a supposed reduced rate. I needed to start paying more on the mortgage principle. It surely wasn’t going to go away by itself. Every month I saw nothing but interest being paid the principle remained static. Immovable, John and I after a long night of TV had become fixtures on the couch just blanking out our lives with an endless array of television pulp.

Maybe it would be good to release cable from our nightly routine. We used to play games for hours although Monopoly and clue are so much better with four players not two. I refuse to play checkers. My cousins always beat me at checkers when I was growing up so I see no point in repeating that habit as an adult. No one likes to loose over and over again especially with the addition of taunts. Kismet is like fate; some games you roll all the dice you need. Other games nothing comes up and the scores are below a hundred. Roll the dice; roll the dice; roll the dice; three tries at achieving the wining combination. Roll the dice and fill in a square. Maybe on the days when the rolls of dice all come in high; combine to fill in all the different Kismet sets, I should rush out and buy a lottery ticket. The roll of the dice luck might run with the lottery too.

Who am I kidding; I don’t mind spending a dollar here or there but it would take a miracle to win at fate. I forgot what the odds are; staggering to say the least. So many people get hooked on the temptation of a lucky win. Would it het old having all that money? Would it cause more problems to have to deal with fortune instead of pinching every penny twice to try to make ends meet? My budget is so tight that a meal out throws off the grocery provision. Renting a movie or going out to an actual first run is nonexistent for us. My son and I are good at being non-consumers. Goodwill is a great place to check when in need of clothing or odd items. Rarely do I look at all those glossy flyers from the large chain stores. People have been so programmed to purchase new and current fads and everyone seems to have a long list of haves let alone impulse purchases. What was extra is now considered a need. What do I need? Do I really need more money? I hate owing the mortgage. If I had not been burdened with that, I would not feel the pressure for money. I could get by just fine on what I earn. I bet I could even save a couple hundred dollars each month but there is the “M” word. Setting me square on my back weighing me down causing me worry of how will make ends meet each month without touching my savings or stocks. Oh yes, I inherited stocks. Something at least for retirement… right. No plans for that at all. Not with the big “M” sitting on me; thirty years, well now 28. Two years will have passed since the purchase in August. Repair list is growing but it will have to wait. Thankful for the benefits, I will have to wait patiently for a position with higher salary. The health benefits were a serious need. Now swimming back upstream with health fairly intact, I think maybe its time to find a second job on the weekends. Do I really want a second job? Falls back on the cable bill doesn’t it; $80 more a month. $80 could pay fifty to the principle of mortgage. Could go to one movie every other week or at least rent four once in awhile. The eternal problem of making survival possible: to provide shelter, food, and creature comfort. All depends on one’s perspective. What is creature comfort to one is unacceptable to someone else. Thanks to the Universe then, thanks for what I have…. Besides getting rid of cable, I need to say – thanks for what I have; put it in perspective… basic creature comforts & shelter.


As I transcribe this eight years later, I did refinance but lost this head start job in May 02… a year and one half on unemployment and no job!!!! went through all my stocks partly because there were two big stock crashes and now in 09 it’s a big recession… we are barely paying bills, use the food bank, house is falling apart… and health – back on thyroid meds and had a hysterectomy.

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